TROLL 2 (ITALY/1990/CLAUDIO FRAGASSO)

Though the first Troll film may not have been any great shakes itself, it’s far eclipsed by this remarkably shitty sequel which doesn’t feature a single troll. Our protagonist, Joshua, gets word from the spirit of his dead grandfather Seth that goblins exist for real, and that they are constantly tricking humans into eating food which turns them into edible plants. While on a family holiday in the town of Nilbog, Joshua grows suspicious of the green food he is served by his hosts, and urinates (yes, urinates) on the food to prevent his family from succumbing to the goblins’ ruse. Further visits from Grandpa Seth convince Joshua that the entire population of Nilbog (hint: read it backwards) is intent on tricking his family into eating green food, and it is up to him to get everyone to safety.

Anyone who has ever been on the Internet should be familiar with one of the film’s most infamous scenes (“they’re eating her... and then they’re gonna eat me... oh my GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODDDD!!!!”), and in truth, the rest of the film is no less camp. In one scene, Joshua’s sister’s boyfriend is seduced by a Vampira lookalike, who then almost asphyxiates him with popcorn. But on the whole, the film pales into comparison to other ‘worst films ever’ such as The Room and Plan 9 From Outer Space. Besides, the goblin masks are genuinely terrifying, although this is mostly due to their shoddy production (only one of the masks has a moving mouth).