THE KILLER BRA (CANADA/2009/YAKOV LEVI)

While out shopping, Laura fights with a fellow customer over a spotted bra, accidentally throwing her down the stairs in the process. Returning to her apartment, she decides to show off her glamorous new purchase to her flatmates rather than discuss the accidental murder, and their punny comments (“what a killer bra!” “it’s to die for!”) serve as unhappy omens. Lending the bra to flatmate Julie, Laura suddenly realises that her misdeed has not gone unpunished, and the killer bra lives up to its name, killing off her helpless friends one by one.

Yakov Levi is an independent filmmaker hailing from the Ukraine, a country not particularly known for its cinematic output. Levi calls himself out as a vehement John Waters fan, a fact which is abundantly clear when one sees his films. As schlocky and puerile as one could hope for, The Killer Bra is no different from any other no-budget laptop production – poor acting, terrible humour, Z-grade effects. With Waters’ films, the comedy lies in demystifying the taboo and making light of the disturbing. In his other shorts, Levi casts a grotesque old woman named Baba Alla as a lascivious babuschka, harking back to Waters’ beloved Divine. Her absence in this film drains it of all charm, the wackiness passed on to the props, as well as Julie’s irritatingly hyperactive boyfriend. The promise of underground films in the era of the internet is exciting, but The Killer Bra is not one of them. It’s a load of bollocks.

BIRDEMIC: SHOCK AND TERROR (USA/2008/JAMES NGUYEN)

Birdemic: Shock and Terror tells the story of a San Francisco town plagued by bird attacks. Our protagonist is Rod, a software salesman who falls for a model he passes in the street. The two hit it off and end up in a motel for the night. The next morning, the couple is woken up by eagles squawking outside the window. In fear, they join forces with another couple in the adjacent room, driving across the city in a bid to avoid further attack by the birds and rescuing two young kids along the way. On their travels, they encounter an eco-warrior who helps them understand the birds’ antagonism. But even with their newfound bravery, the group is unable to rid themselves of the avian infestation.

From the above description, Birdemic might sound like a rip-off of Hitchcock’s The Birds, but it’s clear from the beginning that the Hitchcock estate has no reason to be concerned (asides from Tippi Hedren inexplicably making a cameo). Shot on a budget of $10,000 (that much?), this third feature by salesman-turned-director James Nguyen defies belief with its shockingly poor photography, acting, screenplay, sound and special effects. It is the latter attribute which pushes this film from Z-movie to abominable cult classic – the CGI eagles are often seen aimlessly flapping in a fixed position, completely defying scale and proportion and presenting no real threat. An unintentional belly-laugh from start to finish, Birdemic is a new category of bad film, and should be seen by everyone.

If I haven't convinced you, check out the trailer

SUNDAY SCHOOL MUSICAL (USA/2008/RACHEL GOLDENBERG)

Produced by the infamous mockbuster powerhouse that is The Asylum (the company responsible for Alien vs. Hunter, The Day The Earth Stopped and Transmorphers), Sunday School Musical takes the basic themes from the similarly named High School Musical franchise, but changes the story to a state competition for school choirs. Our hero Zach belongs to the hippest choir in the neighbourhood, but when his mother reveals that she lost her job, he is forced to transfer to rival school Crossroads Christian, whose choir leaves much to be desired. With his spunky never-give-up attitude, Zach manages to pull Crossroads Choir from obscurity and, against all odds, manages to forge a compromise with his moral integrity despite apparently betraying his old friends.

Considering the budget, the film appears well-made. This, of course, is where the compliments end. The filmmakers may have had their heart in the right place, but the whole experience is a nauseating wreck. Attempts to discreetly work Christian values into the ethos of coolness are embarrassingly noticeable, and subsequently little effort is made to generate realistic chemistry between any of the characters. Chris Chatman gives an admirable stab as lead character Zach, but there is almost nothing believable about him – that someone with apparent musical invincibility could be wowed by a guy playing Amazing Grace on harmonica says a lot for the film’s priorities. Candise Lakota, who plays Zach’s love interest Savannah, is completely devoid of charm, passion or even signs of life. Not so much moralistic as emetic.