ENDHIRAN (INDIA/2010/S. SHANKAR)

A modern twist on the Pygmalion story, Endhiran concerns the endeavours of Dr. Vaseegran who constructs a high-powered android named Chitti in his own image. Despite sharing the athletic ability of Bruce Lee and the dance moves of Michael Jackson, Chitti is not regarded by the relevant authorities as a valuable contribution to the field as it lacks rational ability or emotions. When Vaseegran transplants a positronic brain into Chitti to help him relate to humans better, he gets more than he bargained for as Chitti’s newfound emotions lead him to develop strong feelings towards Vaseegran’s fiancée Sana. Attempting to win Sana back, Vaseegran foolishly goes into competition with Chitti’s superhuman powers, underestimating the android’s ability to mimic his master’s behaviour.

A huge success at the box office, grossing more than any other Indian film ever, Endhiran covers many genres and feels as if it was designed to entertain the widest range of people conceivable, although whether it fulfilled this goal is another question. Lead actor Rajnikanth, playing both Vaseegran and his robot analogue Chitti, has some great comedic turns but is unable to sustain interest for the film’s 155-minute runtime. For the casual Western viewer, there are plenty of WTF moments – a scene where a naked girl runs into traffic is particularly baffling – as well as a plethora of tongue-in-cheek movie references, although the proviso of satire has not saved the film from accusations of plagiarism. But for all its various flaws, this Kollywood blockbuster has undeniable entertainment value.

THE APPLE (USA/1980/MENAHEM GOLAN)

It’s a futuristic 1994, and the Worldvision Song Festival is underway. Alphie and Bibi travel from their native Canada to participate for their country with a spirited ballad, only to be met with consternation from the sizeable audience, who have had their expectations raised by the glitzy stage histrionics of the BIM, a heartless music corporation which will stop at nothing to win. Alphie and Bibi soon find themselves subsumed by BIM’s record label, and for a while Bibi rides the crest of celebrity. Learning the sinister truth about BIM, Alphie tries his hardest to liberate Bibi from the clutches of BIM’s leader Mr. Boogalow.

With a central concept based on a Eurovision Song Contest of the future, one has to expect an overdose of camp from The Apple, and by golly it delivers. From the glittery triangle appliqués to the abundance of gold, The Apple appears to be picking up on the extravagances missed out on by previous musicals, even outkitsching Rocky Horror Picture Show in its caricatures of the entertainment business. The allegory of sin is obvious but restrained, the apple motif only whipped out for a particularly saucy number, although the film’s conclusion takes on an overtly religious angle which almost substracts from the fun. Regardless of one’s susceptibility to this sort of film, The Apple is very impressive for its sheer scale and design, and it’s a shame it still hasn’t quite had its day. Look out for blink-and-you’ll-miss-it cameos from Miriam Margolyes and Yma Sumac.

BY THE BLUEST OF SEAS (RUSSIA/1936/BORIS BARNET, S. MARDANIN)

In quiet contrast to the existentialist Soviet hero films being churned out at the time, Boris Barnet’s By The Bluest of Seas presents a warm, compassionate alternative which was to be heavily championed by French New Wave directors later on. Our heroes are Alyosha and Yussuf, two sailors washed up onto an unnamed island where they stay to work in the local farming community. Before long, the men’s attention is focused on flirtatious gamine Misha, who toys with their hearts while grappling with her own emotional problems. Through all their pleasantries and playfulness, all three characters have their desires denied, but by dint of their familiarity, no hard feelings are experienced.

Occasionally, the film invites more fatalistic readings, a practice which has muddied several minor Soviet works into obscurity. But even in light of its melancholic undercurrents, the film is optimistic through and through, the intermittent musical numbers painting this as a film to enjoy and cherish. The photography here is gorgeous, reflecting the film’s more inexpressible depths. Waves undulate ominously throughout the film, reminding us that the characters are isolated together on this detached fragment of land, while splashes of sunlight echo the carefree exchanges in this halcyon love triangle. But nothing can compare to the heart-stopping slow-motion sequence where a distraught Misha, fingers defiantly in her ears, lets her broken necklace slip from her hands, the crystal beads falling like voluminous tears. A clear inspiration to Jules et Jim, this joyful jaunt is guaranteed to raise a smile.

LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD AND TOM THUMB VS. THE MONSTERS (MEXICO/1962/ROBERTO RODRÍGUEZ)

In one of the most bizarrely intertextual children’s musicals in history, an alliance of horrid monsters and villains seeks world domination, but is challenged constantly by the heroic efforts of Little Red Riding Hood and Tom Thumb. The film starts by showing the monsters in their castle as they debate what to do with their captives, Ferocious Wolf and the Ogre, both of whom are friends of our heroes. Witnessing the deliberation is Stinky the Skunk, who sneaks off to inform Red of the situation. But when she and Tom Thumb rush to a nearby village to call for help, they discover that the Wicked Queen has cursed the local water supply. Alarmed to discover her entire family has turned into mice, Red heads for the monsters’ castle and, with the help of Tom Thumb, Stinky and the Good Fairy, stops their evil plans.

Like The Singing, Ringing Tree from five years earlier, Little Red Riding Hood and Tom Thumb vs. The Monsters has something of a reputation for unintentionally terrifying children – a reputation well justified. Characters such as 2-in-1, the mixed-race Siamese twin cannibals, and the hydrocephalic Carrothead make the experience more traumatic than buccaneering. On the other hand, no other film can boast an explosive robot, jigging midget chimps and a witch with Catholic guilt. Officially, the film sucks, but there’s an irresistible, almost deliberate awfulness that means you might find yourself watching this one over and over, like it were The Rocky Horror Picture Show for kids.

SUNDAY SCHOOL MUSICAL (USA/2008/RACHEL GOLDENBERG)

Produced by the infamous mockbuster powerhouse that is The Asylum (the company responsible for Alien vs. Hunter, The Day The Earth Stopped and Transmorphers), Sunday School Musical takes the basic themes from the similarly named High School Musical franchise, but changes the story to a state competition for school choirs. Our hero Zach belongs to the hippest choir in the neighbourhood, but when his mother reveals that she lost her job, he is forced to transfer to rival school Crossroads Christian, whose choir leaves much to be desired. With his spunky never-give-up attitude, Zach manages to pull Crossroads Choir from obscurity and, against all odds, manages to forge a compromise with his moral integrity despite apparently betraying his old friends.

Considering the budget, the film appears well-made. This, of course, is where the compliments end. The filmmakers may have had their heart in the right place, but the whole experience is a nauseating wreck. Attempts to discreetly work Christian values into the ethos of coolness are embarrassingly noticeable, and subsequently little effort is made to generate realistic chemistry between any of the characters. Chris Chatman gives an admirable stab as lead character Zach, but there is almost nothing believable about him – that someone with apparent musical invincibility could be wowed by a guy playing Amazing Grace on harmonica says a lot for the film’s priorities. Candise Lakota, who plays Zach’s love interest Savannah, is completely devoid of charm, passion or even signs of life. Not so much moralistic as emetic.